Whenever I do something against my better judgement and it works out fine I can’t help wondering whether that “better” judgement was really that good. It’s happened again quite recently and this time, instead of just laughing it off, I put some more thought into it. Here’s what I think about it.
I believe a significant part of “a better judgement” is a result of all the I-told-you-so and you-should-have-known-better lectures. Which is a form of education… coming from the outside. I mean, something other people teach us. Based on their system of beliefs and past experiences.
Sure, there’s that saying that a wise man learns from other people’s mistakes, an ordinary person learns from his or her mistakes, whereas a fool doesn’t even learn from his or her own mistakes. But then again, there are also people who argue it’s better to regret the things you’ve done than those you’ve failed to do – and I tend to agree with them. ‘Except the two seem mutually exclusive, wouldn’t you think so? You either learn from other people’s mistakes or make your own…
But here’s where I need to make a stand. What exactly is a mistake? Who decides that? What are the guidelines for avoiding it? And, most importantly, how do you know that the things you do to avoid a specific mistake are not leading you to another one?
Most people would argue, and quite sensibly too, that a mistake is something that entails negative effects either for yourself or for people around you. But really now, who are we kidding? In the big picture of things, very are very few acts that don’t have a certain negative effect at least on one person. Even the most harmless of our actions do. Like driving to work, which requires burning gas, which is a source of pollution, which affects the quality of life for hundreds, maybe even thousands of people. Sure, you’re not entirely responsible for it, but you’re part of it, so, technically speaking, you’re making a mistake…
My point is that it’s absolutely unavoidable to hurt other people at least to a certain extent. It’s part of our lives as human beings and we must own up to it. But there’s also the issue of how much your own decisions are hurting yourself. Again, it’s difficult, if not altogether impossible, to assess ALL the consequences of your acts, possible and probable, and of your failure to act. Will it hurt your self-esteem if you get rejected by someone you really like? Will you regret it if you don’t give that person a try because you’re afraid of rejection?
In the end it all boils down to making the best decisions based on what you know at any given moment. And if it turns out your action or failure to act backfired… well, at least you can find comfort in knowing it was your own “mistake”, not something that someone else told you to do.
So let people make their judgements and deliver their lectures, but know that, in the end, you deserve to live your life with both achievements and mistakes, as they are both a significant part of who you are. And you might as well be proud of them. Not shout them out to the world, not THAT kind of proud, but admit them to yourself, quietly, peacefully, confidently. We are who we are, we strive to improve and make the most of what we are given but, ultimately, we are just us – beautiful, unique, and sometimes wrong.
Sure, there’s that saying that a wise man learns from other people’s mistakes, an ordinary person learns from his or her mistakes, whereas a fool doesn’t even learn from his or her own mistakes. But then again, there are also people who argue it’s better to regret the things you’ve done than those you’ve failed to do – and I tend to agree with them. ‘Except the two seem mutually exclusive, wouldn’t you think so? You either learn from other people’s mistakes or make your own…
But here’s where I need to make a stand. What exactly is a mistake? Who decides that? What are the guidelines for avoiding it? And, most importantly, how do you know that the things you do to avoid a specific mistake are not leading you to another one?
Most people would argue, and quite sensibly too, that a mistake is something that entails negative effects either for yourself or for people around you. But really now, who are we kidding? In the big picture of things, very are very few acts that don’t have a certain negative effect at least on one person. Even the most harmless of our actions do. Like driving to work, which requires burning gas, which is a source of pollution, which affects the quality of life for hundreds, maybe even thousands of people. Sure, you’re not entirely responsible for it, but you’re part of it, so, technically speaking, you’re making a mistake…
My point is that it’s absolutely unavoidable to hurt other people at least to a certain extent. It’s part of our lives as human beings and we must own up to it. But there’s also the issue of how much your own decisions are hurting yourself. Again, it’s difficult, if not altogether impossible, to assess ALL the consequences of your acts, possible and probable, and of your failure to act. Will it hurt your self-esteem if you get rejected by someone you really like? Will you regret it if you don’t give that person a try because you’re afraid of rejection?
In the end it all boils down to making the best decisions based on what you know at any given moment. And if it turns out your action or failure to act backfired… well, at least you can find comfort in knowing it was your own “mistake”, not something that someone else told you to do.
So let people make their judgements and deliver their lectures, but know that, in the end, you deserve to live your life with both achievements and mistakes, as they are both a significant part of who you are. And you might as well be proud of them. Not shout them out to the world, not THAT kind of proud, but admit them to yourself, quietly, peacefully, confidently. We are who we are, we strive to improve and make the most of what we are given but, ultimately, we are just us – beautiful, unique, and sometimes wrong.
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