It happened again. What began as mere physical attraction for quite a good-looking guy ended up as another coup-de-foudre. Again, I am victim or creator of a new crush that threatens to grow stronger than what I had anticipated. Again, meeting one very good looking man was dangerous enough for me, but when I also heard him speak and got to know a few things about him... I obviously had no way of escaping his charm.
Again, he's married.
Just to get this straight, I haven't touched him and he hasn't touched me. I spent two incredible hours with him, laughing and talking, but never did he show any sign of being interested in me. Neither of rejecting me, though...
Again, I'm at a loss as to what to do next, especially as it was clear for me right from the beginning that my chances of ever seeing him again were dangerously close to zero. It still is clear to me that's for my own good. But...
All things considered, I still can't get over him as rapidly as I wish I could. The passion I felt last night, for those two hours, is anything but easy to forget. And the truth is I don't want to forget it. It was far too exciting to put it behind as some sort of mistake or malfunction of my love life. A malfunction that prevented me from falling asleep for two hours after I got in bed, around midnight, after 8 hours in the office and another 8 spent partying... Now, generally, after such a day I would have fallen asleep like a baby in less than 5 minutes. But I couldn't. I couldn't even keep my damn eyes closed, because each time I tried to, his face would show up and the frustration of being alone rather than being with him was too much to bear.
The funny thing about all this situation is that, so far, I've been extremely faithful to my boyfriend. He's a great man, I love him enormously and I hope that one day we might decide together we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It's still not the case, with him being so young and scarred to death by the thought of marriage, but, one day, if we stick together for long enough, who knows....
So, anyway, I love this man, I know he loves me, we've been faithful to each other in spite of being separated more than once for rather long periods of time... and now I'm starting to lose my head. I'm beginning to have feelings for other men. And I'm guessing that's OK as long as I don't do anything about it. Maybe I am unconsciously crushing only on men I somehow know won't be available for me, to avoid cheating on the man I actually love. But maybe it's only a coincidence, and eventually I will fall for a man who will say "yes". Will I do it then? I have no idea.
Again. And again. And again. I'm messing with what should be, what could be a perfectly happy life, just because of this passionate nature of mine, that feeds on passion the way bees feed on nectar. Passion is what keeps me alive. But it could also destroy my life if I fail to keep it under control. And, damn, that's so hard to do!
Again, he's married.
Just to get this straight, I haven't touched him and he hasn't touched me. I spent two incredible hours with him, laughing and talking, but never did he show any sign of being interested in me. Neither of rejecting me, though...
Again, I'm at a loss as to what to do next, especially as it was clear for me right from the beginning that my chances of ever seeing him again were dangerously close to zero. It still is clear to me that's for my own good. But...
All things considered, I still can't get over him as rapidly as I wish I could. The passion I felt last night, for those two hours, is anything but easy to forget. And the truth is I don't want to forget it. It was far too exciting to put it behind as some sort of mistake or malfunction of my love life. A malfunction that prevented me from falling asleep for two hours after I got in bed, around midnight, after 8 hours in the office and another 8 spent partying... Now, generally, after such a day I would have fallen asleep like a baby in less than 5 minutes. But I couldn't. I couldn't even keep my damn eyes closed, because each time I tried to, his face would show up and the frustration of being alone rather than being with him was too much to bear.
The funny thing about all this situation is that, so far, I've been extremely faithful to my boyfriend. He's a great man, I love him enormously and I hope that one day we might decide together we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It's still not the case, with him being so young and scarred to death by the thought of marriage, but, one day, if we stick together for long enough, who knows....
So, anyway, I love this man, I know he loves me, we've been faithful to each other in spite of being separated more than once for rather long periods of time... and now I'm starting to lose my head. I'm beginning to have feelings for other men. And I'm guessing that's OK as long as I don't do anything about it. Maybe I am unconsciously crushing only on men I somehow know won't be available for me, to avoid cheating on the man I actually love. But maybe it's only a coincidence, and eventually I will fall for a man who will say "yes". Will I do it then? I have no idea.
Again. And again. And again. I'm messing with what should be, what could be a perfectly happy life, just because of this passionate nature of mine, that feeds on passion the way bees feed on nectar. Passion is what keeps me alive. But it could also destroy my life if I fail to keep it under control. And, damn, that's so hard to do!
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