False advertising

I hate false advertising in just about any area of my life, whether it refers to actual products or services or, even worse, to people and the relationships between them. More to the point, I hate it when I see someone bending their personality 360 degrees just so they can “win” someone else’s heart, pretending they’re someone they’re not (nor will they ever be), posing as the “perfect boyfriend/girlfriend material”. Blah! It’s ridiculous verging on stupid, not to mention absolutely pointless.

That being said, I’m all for self-improvement and for putting your best foot forward as often as possible, regardless of the occasion. It might be because you’ve just met a man or woman you’re interested in or because you’re sitting for a job interview or want to make a good impression among your new acquaintances or any other similar situation. But that’s a process that happens from within, whereas false advertising simply refers to putting up a show, creating an illusion, and, in the end, playing on tricks that are bound to leave everyone hurt and frustrated once they are uncovered. And, believe me, sooner or later they are, at least when it comes to relationships between people.

But first things first. Self-improvement is a huge issue. I’ve heard lots of women say “I know I shouldn’t be nagging and just play it cool with X or Y”, but they’re working with the wrong assumption. They think it’s like a magic equation where you “act” factor x, y, z for a period of n days, weeks, months, whatever, and it all equals the other person falling for you so madly they’ll never even realize when you stop acting and turn into “real” you. However that hardly ever happens and if it does – then, sorry to say, you’ve ended up with the wrong kind of man/woman.

Then there is another category of human false advertising, where people actively try to change into what they think would be a good match for their significant other. I’ve walked down that road myself and, again, it’s really down you’re walking. It’s not a process of self-improvement but one where you deny your own self, rejecting it as worthless or at least not worthy of being loved. I can’t even begin to explain how THAT can wreck havoc on your self-esteem. Suffice it to say that, if you don’t think you’re worthy of that person’s affection the way you really are – with all the good and the bad – then there’s no way that person can love you either. In the first case (see above) they’re in love with a mask; in the second (see here), they’re in love with a potential you. But the real you is left out and you end up feeling miserable. Sooner rather than later.

Last but not least, there are people who don’t believe in false advertising, regardless of the marketing benefits it might generate for them. People who believe in themselves and who they are as individuals, not as part of a potential couple. Sure, it’s nice to love and to be loved; it’s frightening to think it might never happen just because you’re different. But let’s face it: we’re all different. It’s what makes us beautiful. It’s what makes us worthy of someone else’s love and attention. Because you want that from someone who is different and special too, and why would they give their affection to someone who’s just like everyone else, who doesn’t stand out in any way?

And if you really want to improve and grow into a better you, do it by yourself and for your own sake. So you can be happy. When you’re genuinely happy with who you are and where you stand, everything else starts falling into place. And I’m not saying you need to strive for perfection – just know that you’re building yourself up, like a work of art, day by day, act by act. Break away from the need to fall in line with people’s expectations, learn to fight for what you really want and go for it, without looking back. Just act, don’t react.