The title of this post might as well have been "The one-man-show that is a woman's life" or "How can women make a 24 hours day last 48".... To keep it simple, it's about how women are expected to perform a hundred tasks in their every-day life and perform all of them brilliantly... :)
For instance, my life as a fresh graduate from university is quite simple at the moment: my priorities are to get a good job, to recover a bit after the stress of the last university year and to preserve my wonderful relationship with the man I love. So far, so good. Except, this blissful state of facts is a mere illusion. To begin with, getting a good job is anything but easy, especially for a university graduate, as the competition on the labor market is quite high. So when I do find a job that satisfies my momentary needs and offers some perspectives for a future career, I really have to work hard to keep it. Meaning that I will sometimes bring work at home, I will accept to have an office at the other end of the town, I will probably make compromises on my health and well being to accept this job. Ok, this means that, besides the 8 hours I should normally dedicate to my job, I spend other 1 or 2 hours a day with tasks auxiliary to my job.
My second priority, to recover and get some rest, takes the form of spoiling myself with a few activities I really enjoy: going out with my friends, trying out cooking recipes, shopping and taking long walks... all of which not only require 1 to 2 hours a day, but also a considerable amount of money. I get to the point where I realize I need some extra money and accept to take on a number of tasks (such as tutoring or free-lance translations) that will both increase my income and the number of hours I spend working... thus decreasing my leisure time.
Third priority: preserving my relationship... that, all of the sudden, doesn't seem that wonderful, when you see it as the thing that fills the rest of your time. Meaning that, after the first two priorities have been completed for the day, you feel rather tired (if not exhausted). That shouldn't be a problem if your relationship was the compensatory kind, the one where you meet your boyfriend, share what the two of you have been doing over the day, watch a good movie together and then go to sleep, just for the sake of having someone in your arms at night... But again, that is far from being a real situation. Normally, your boyfriend will require a lot of attention, time and effort from you. He has had a hard day too, he needs someone to talk to and to find comfort and understanding... So you (or I, or any of the girls and women who are in the same situation) make the effort, talk to him or listen to him or provide him with everything he needs and, just when you thought it was time to rest, you hear the fatal phrase: "I wish you were like....."
For those of you who have been lucky enough not to hear this so far, let me explain in a few words what this phrase means. This phrase is the ultimate expression of what your partner (boyfriend, husband, or whatever) expects from you: beauty, understanding, wit, high intelligence, glamorous appearance, sense of humor, a lot of patience, a good attitude towards his friends, flexibility, modesty, interest for what he's interested in... and the list may continue. Because what these men expect from us in no less than PERFECTION! Ha! And to make things even worse, some men will actually find the image of perfection in another women and will set her as an example for you: "I wish you were like X, Y's girlfriend/sister/friend etc". Now, that's pure murder to your self esteem and a serious hit on your self-image. So what do you do? You find time in your 24 hours day that is already full to: go to the beauty saloon, sign up for a fitness class, learn to cook better, do your nails, wash your hair, shave or depilate, buy even more clothes, etc. Inevitably, these will require more money, you will take more work task at home and... there you have it: in a 24 hours day, you'll do your best to perform 48 hours-requiring activities. When you fail, you'll go look for understanding in the arms of your boyfriend. You'll find it for a while and then he'll start again... you'll start again... and you'll fail again...
So this is another paradox making our lives impossible: the struggle to succeed in everything we are expected to achieve... and the permanent failure in doing so.
Anyone feels different about this? Let me have it. I am a woman. If I can take that, I can take anything.
For instance, my life as a fresh graduate from university is quite simple at the moment: my priorities are to get a good job, to recover a bit after the stress of the last university year and to preserve my wonderful relationship with the man I love. So far, so good. Except, this blissful state of facts is a mere illusion. To begin with, getting a good job is anything but easy, especially for a university graduate, as the competition on the labor market is quite high. So when I do find a job that satisfies my momentary needs and offers some perspectives for a future career, I really have to work hard to keep it. Meaning that I will sometimes bring work at home, I will accept to have an office at the other end of the town, I will probably make compromises on my health and well being to accept this job. Ok, this means that, besides the 8 hours I should normally dedicate to my job, I spend other 1 or 2 hours a day with tasks auxiliary to my job.
My second priority, to recover and get some rest, takes the form of spoiling myself with a few activities I really enjoy: going out with my friends, trying out cooking recipes, shopping and taking long walks... all of which not only require 1 to 2 hours a day, but also a considerable amount of money. I get to the point where I realize I need some extra money and accept to take on a number of tasks (such as tutoring or free-lance translations) that will both increase my income and the number of hours I spend working... thus decreasing my leisure time.
Third priority: preserving my relationship... that, all of the sudden, doesn't seem that wonderful, when you see it as the thing that fills the rest of your time. Meaning that, after the first two priorities have been completed for the day, you feel rather tired (if not exhausted). That shouldn't be a problem if your relationship was the compensatory kind, the one where you meet your boyfriend, share what the two of you have been doing over the day, watch a good movie together and then go to sleep, just for the sake of having someone in your arms at night... But again, that is far from being a real situation. Normally, your boyfriend will require a lot of attention, time and effort from you. He has had a hard day too, he needs someone to talk to and to find comfort and understanding... So you (or I, or any of the girls and women who are in the same situation) make the effort, talk to him or listen to him or provide him with everything he needs and, just when you thought it was time to rest, you hear the fatal phrase: "I wish you were like....."
For those of you who have been lucky enough not to hear this so far, let me explain in a few words what this phrase means. This phrase is the ultimate expression of what your partner (boyfriend, husband, or whatever) expects from you: beauty, understanding, wit, high intelligence, glamorous appearance, sense of humor, a lot of patience, a good attitude towards his friends, flexibility, modesty, interest for what he's interested in... and the list may continue. Because what these men expect from us in no less than PERFECTION! Ha! And to make things even worse, some men will actually find the image of perfection in another women and will set her as an example for you: "I wish you were like X, Y's girlfriend/sister/friend etc". Now, that's pure murder to your self esteem and a serious hit on your self-image. So what do you do? You find time in your 24 hours day that is already full to: go to the beauty saloon, sign up for a fitness class, learn to cook better, do your nails, wash your hair, shave or depilate, buy even more clothes, etc. Inevitably, these will require more money, you will take more work task at home and... there you have it: in a 24 hours day, you'll do your best to perform 48 hours-requiring activities. When you fail, you'll go look for understanding in the arms of your boyfriend. You'll find it for a while and then he'll start again... you'll start again... and you'll fail again...
So this is another paradox making our lives impossible: the struggle to succeed in everything we are expected to achieve... and the permanent failure in doing so.
Anyone feels different about this? Let me have it. I am a woman. If I can take that, I can take anything.
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